Kisah si magpie

     Alamak!Dah sejam rupanya aku kat depan buah hati aku cik Lenovo cute ni.Patutlah cik abang dah pandang semacam...( Jealous le tu!).Sekejap lagi terpaksalah aku log out.Tapi sebelum tu aku nak cerita sikit tentang seorang insan yang sangat rapat tetapi sangat jauh dengan aku.( Betul ni )

   Hamba allah ni biasa je kaya tak sekolah tinggi pun tak.Tetapi berlagaknya masyaallah tuhan saja yang tahu.Seolah-olah segala isi dunia ni dia tahu.Setakat ni cakap omputih je dia mengaku surrender dengan aku.Maklumlah walau pun aku melayu, aku pentingkan juga bahasa penjajah ni kerana ia adalah bahasa ilmu ( Ijazah aku pun TESL)

   Berbalik pada hamba allah ni tadi, setiap hari ada saja cerita kurang sedap yang ku dengar tentang dia. Mulut dia bila bercakap kalah si magpie ( murai).Hal politik, dunia, sekolah, isu semasa semua kononnya dalam kocek dia.Dengan jiran tetangga pun dia buat hal.Baru-baru ni aku dengar dia terima surat layang menegur ( dengan cara baik ) akan bahasa kurang sedap yang dia selalu guna dengan pelanggan ( Dia berniaga di kedai makan).Tetapi malangnya surat tu org lain baca dulu dan tak sanggup serah pada si magpie ni.Maknanya sampai ke saat ini, si magpie ni tak taulah ada orang hantar surat layang tu.

   Yang buat aku bengang dan sakit hati, ibarat cubit peha kanan peha kiri pun terasa.Aku taklah kaya tapi senanglah juga ( rasanya nak apa semua ada)Tetapi si magpie tu punyalah berlagak seolah-olah aku ni gagak.Biasanya aku tak kisah keluar duit beli mainan atau makanan untuk anak-anak dia tapi sekarang syaitan dah masuk jarum maka aku pun tak ingin belikan apa-apa lagi untuk anak dia.Malangnya anak-anak dia pun terdidik dengan sikap berlagak dan menongkat langit.

  Kini aku dalam dilema.Ingin ku tegur, ahh... aku ni siapa?Ingin ku biar.....kasihan dia jadi bahan ketawa!Entahlah

Thank you so much dear

[ 4.55 p.m. : in the classroom ]

  

 I was busy marking my students' work.At 5.10 p.m. they would enter the class so I had only 15 minutes to finish my work.Suddenly, one of my students entered and gave me a cake. 

"Teacher, I bought this for you.Please eat! If you don't eat you will fall sick and I will be sad."

  To tell the truth I was quite hungry but I had to finish marking the work so when the students enter the class, I had enough time to teach them personally.I didn't know that my student realised that I seldom go to the canteen during recess.While waiting for the bell, I like to check my students' work so that I have enough time to correct them.I didn't notice that my student noticed it and took an effort to buy me something. So, I took the cake and ate it.Despite of the bad label given to the below average students, this student showed that he had a golden heart.Deep inside my heart, I do hope that one day this boy can be somebody even though he is not a bright one.

   This evening, when I went to the night market and I saw the same cake, the boy's smiling face kept lingering in my mind. And I strongly believe that I will never forget his kind deed.

Thank you so much, dear!

A good man deserves to be with somebody he loves. ( An irony?)

A good man deserves to be with somebody he loves

( http://malaysiakitchen.com/more/mamasita-mamamia.blogspot.com/)

   Kosmo:25 July 2010 ( Mohon cerai melalui blog)

   Tajuk di atas menyentap tangkai hatiku pagi ini.Bukan apa, kerana tajuk itu, suasana sejuk bertukar menjadi panas.Maklumlah, makhluk bernama lelaki apabila bercakap soal 'cerai' 90%( mungkin 100% )menuding jari kepada perempuan.Seolah-olah perempuanlah penyebab mutlak perceraian walau pun kebanyakan kes lelaki yang patut dipersalahkan.Walau pun hakikatnya, lelaki sekarang tak ramai yang benar-benar lelaki kerana yang ramai cuma 'laki'.( atau 'daki')

  Bukan bersikap prejudis kerana banyak juga kes perempuan penyebab perceraian tetapi isu ini harus difikir dengan teliti.Perempuan jika benar-benar isteri takkan begitu mudah membuka pekung di dada cerita hal rumah tangga.Bagiku 'mamasita' tak boleh dipersalahkan 100%.Mana ada perempuan normal yang sanggup 'dimadukan' meski cuma dalam khayalan?Mamasita, biarlah dia dengan Ninanya kerana Tuhan lebih mengerti.....

  "And I am definitely a shameless fool" No,YOU ARE NOT!There's no point struggling to win his heart!Just follow your heart.I know your children will understand.30 years is not a waste since you gained a lot for experience.Better late than never since for him 'she' is better!Go for your right!Ahh!Just forget those who condemn cause there's lots more who give you their fully support.(BELIEVE ME!!!)

   " I know there'll be many other wives in this world who will suffer the same fate in future.." You're right dear.I know that there's a lot not only in the future but at this right moment itself.The difference is, they have no guts like you do so the rotten swollen heart is kept deep inside.It's not an easy decision to make.I am pretty sure that children, family and even relatives ( because we are Malays)are those who women have to think about before making this such sad decision.

   Let the lady wave her magic wand! Go find your own one! It's not worth to fight tooth and nail for a so-called man who is so weak spelled by a wand.Let you be the witch yourself to fight for your life!It's not the end of the world.Go on with what you think is the best and don't think about the rest.I know it's like stabbing a blunt knife into your heart but you already have your guts so keep on going!And here I am, thinking ...... when can I have the guts?

   

Aku, seekor naga.

   Hari ini aku nak menulis tentang manusia yang hipokrit a.k.a berlagak bagus.Biasanya tak mudah untuk aku marah tetapi manusia yang satu ini betul-betul membuatku jadi naga; naga betina.Kalau tak suka katalah tak suka.Terus terang!Memang aku nampak lembut tapi aku bukanlah penakut!Aku punya prinsip untuk berani berkata benar bukan menyalak lantang tapi hanya berani di belakang!

   Lelaki bagiku tak punya makna atau harga diri andai hanya cuma tahu memerintah atau mengarah.Lelaki mungkin lebih hina dari banci (maaf , ku pinjam bahasa serumpun dari seberang)sekiranya mulut tak tau ditutup.Berlagak tahu segala-galanya walau sebenarnya satu apa pun dia tak punya.Mengherdik?Itu untuk adik-adik!Otak di kepala lutut maka berfikir, bercakap tak pernah yang patut.Hati sendiri minta dijaga, hati orang bagaimana?

   Sabar separuh dari iman tetapi makin ku sabar makin menjadi.Asalku daripada tulang rusuk maka mestikah aku hanya mengangguk?Dia menangguk di air keruh maka air di muara semakin geruh.Tak bolehkah aku mengeluh?Mencaci menghina darah daging sendiri.Sesekali, bolehlah ku pandang sepi tetapi makin lama makin menjadi.Sabarku pun ada hadnya.Jangan sampai keputusan tak diminta jadi pemutus kerana waktu itu aku bukanlah lagi aku.

Manusia = man ( manusia ) + sia-sia

Tendang, tampar bayi perempuan 5 bulan

Bapa jahiliah

(Harian Metro:Khamis,22 Julai 2010)

  Tajuk berita yang ku baca semalam, menjentik tangkai hatiku.Bangsa tidak disebut.Mungkin melayu,cina,india atau etnik Sabah dan Sarawak.Tetapi meski apa pun bangsa dan agama, tiada satu pun yang menghalalkan perbuatan mendera apa tah lagi terhadap bayi berumur 5 bulan.Jika benarlah, sebagai individu, jalan terdekat yang perlu kita lakukan adalah dengan mendidik anak-anak ( kandung atau anak didik di sekolah ) dengan ilmu agama atau moral agar ilmu yang diberi dapat menjadi benteng penghalang mereka dari melakukan kerja gila seperti mendera dan seumpamanya.

   Manusia semakin hilang kewarasan.Kes dera menjadi-jadi.Kes bunuh apatah lagi.Ayah menyaman anak ( jangan diletakkan kesalahan 100% pada si ayah),anak memukul dan memaki ibu dan sebagainya.Jika dulu institusi keluarga dilihat kukuh, kini semuanya semakin rapuh.Anak-anak harapkan ibu bapa sebagai pendidik tetapi kini ramai ibu bapa yang hanya ibu atau bapa pada nama.Anak-anak mengharapkan guru, tetapi malangnya ada segelintir guru yang mengajar murid kencing berlari.Maka hanyutlah anak-anak dan terbina sikap jelik dalam diri.

   Manusia juga telah berubah makna dari makhluk terbaik kepada makhluk paling hina.Otak diberi seolah-olah hanya sebagai perhiasan dek kerapnya manusia hilang pertimbangan.Melayu semakin layu.Buktinya banyak kes-kes memualkan yang akhbar paparkan.Agama dijunjung adat dikelek tidak lagi jadi amalan.Mana tahu, mungkin, generasi baru mendengar pun tidak pernah akan pepatah yang diberi.Hasilnya manusia jadi pendera, perogol, pembunuh, penipu dan entah apa-apa lagi.

   Jika dahulu cukup hidup ala kadar sekadar cukup makan pakai.Tetapi kini siang malam duit dikejar.Kerja sepenuh masa duit sentiasa tiada maka kerja tambahan jadi kemestian.Akibatnya masa untuk anak-anak, untuk keluarga semakin kurang. Bila jumpa asyik nak berperang.Ada anak bukan disayang tetapi jadi tempat tendang terajang.Ada bapa, ada ibu dianggap pengganggu.Biarlah jika benar di masa muda ibu atau ayah berbuat salah, takkan anak juga perlu salah tingkah?Bapa borek anak rintik; dalam kehidupan tak usahlah dipraktik.Apalah salah tuba dibalas susu agar anak-anak pula mendapat madu.Jika terus dibalas tuba, takut nanti anak-anak memberi hempedu.

   Terkadang terasa memualkan kerana pemimpin asyik bertelagah hal politik.Rakyat biasa sinonim dengan kes-kes hina seperti membunuh dan mendera.Isu di sekolah juga dipolitikkan hingga sesiapa pun juga dengan bangga memberi pendapat tentang isu pendidikan biarpun pendapat diberi hanya membuka aib sendiri.Ulama dan mufti pun mula tak satu hati maka yang luka akan mula menanah, kepincangan sosial semakin parah.Jangan sampai nanti manusia hanya jadi MAKHLUK SIA-SIA.

p.s:Jika benar bayi 5 bulan ditendang, ditampar,dipukul, ditumbuk seperti dilaporkan, akibatnya tentu parah.Tetapi laporan diberi, bayi berkenaan hanya dimasukkan ke wad selama 4 hari.(Tiba-tiba rasa sangsi dalam hati; sahihkah berita dipapar atau cuma rekaan belaka)   

You're so funny Ash !

"Ash!Don't put your shoe on the desk!"

"He..he..he.."

   Today, I shouted at my student for putting his shoe on the desk.Instead of taking down the shoe, the boy laughed.Then, the whole class laughed out loud.I told the boy not to put the shoe on the desk.It was dirty.

( Even though it looked so clean).I was at my wit's end.I did not see anything  funny. 

    Then, the laughters became louder and louder.

"Teacher!It's not a shoe!"

"What?"

"It's a pencil case"

Suddenly,I could not help myself burst out laughing.

( You're so naughty Ash aka Abu Ash Syahmie !)

MALAYSIAN DANCE, PRESS TV

My twin, I love you so much!

  My student asked me this question, 

" Teacher, you are freak!" 

"What?Why?" 

"Because you have a twin."

" ... a twin?"

"Yes, you bring a dictionary every where you go."

"Ooooo...."

   Yes, I'm freak but it does make me feel good. I cannot imagine a day without my twin.It was so boring.What if I need to find the meaning of any word that I don't know?What if suddenly I forget any word or any pronunciation?It is like my shoulder to cry ( sorry! rely ) on.How can I live without it?I always advise my students to have a twin like me but so far no one follows my footstep.I am not sure why.Perhaps it is freak.They do not want to be freak.

  My twin makes my day each time I feel blue.Once I dead beat, I hug and read it.No matter what others say, my twin  forever will stay.I do hope, one day there is someone as freak as me for having a twin, a dictionary.My Oxford Learner's Pocket Dictionary, I love you so much!Sorry for separating you from your mom, Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary.

   

Dead beat!

   It is not easy to explain how I felt today.Happy and angry.Happy because I could force myself to be strong to overcome each and every obstacle 'in me'.Angry because due to my mc yesterday, I must do lots of work and I was behind the due date.Angry because yesterday I could not make myself strong enough.I MUST BE STRONG!!!

  Now, right in front my company,( the speechless one),I am suffering a terrible headache.Am I tensed?This is not me!I know that I am ( or perhaps 'was'/used to)strong enough.Tears are not my friends.So, why today, I am feeling blue?I'm dead beat!

Semut aka siput?

   Ia datang seperti ribut tetapi pulang seperti semut.Dengan tiba-tiba kesihatanku tidak mengizinkanku untuk bertugas malah untuk bangun pun rasanya seperti tercabut nyawa.Rasanya puas juga aku cuba mencari penawarnya namun hingga hari ini penyakit yang datang tak jua mahu hilang.Ubat hanya sekadar penghilang bisa buat sementara.Benarlah kata orang, datangnya seperti ribut, perginya seperti semut ( atau mungkin juga siput )Semoga hari ini dan seterusnya, aku masih boleh berjalan dan berlari demi tugas yang ku galas.

 

Ayuhai hati!Janganlah kau risau lagi.

   Hari ini, Isnin 19 Julai 2010.Julai?Ye,begitu cepat masa berlalu.Rasanya baru semalam aku menyambut hari lahirku(1 Jan ).Mengapa di zaman persekolahan dulu, tidakku rasa masa yang terlalu pantas berlari pergi.?

   Jika hari ini Isnin, bermakna esok adalah Selasa dan esoklah hari yang mendebarkan bagi warga SMKPG.Nazir akan datang ke sekolah!Kata orang pengalaman mengajar kita menjadi dewasa tetapi selalunya kita tewas dek kerisauan kerana kita terlalu inginkan kesempurnaan.Rasanya tiada apa yang perlu ku risaukan jika semua kerja dapat dibereskan dengan sempurna.Ahh.....entahlah.

   Jika ingin berkata jujur, 50% lagi kerjaku belum sempurna.Bukan mudah menjadi guru kerana mental dan fiikal harus kuat dan sentiasa bersedia.Guru dahulu boleh fokus 100% pada mendidik tetapi guru kini harus bertangan sepuluh agar semua kerja beres tanpa mengeluh.Jika dulu, ibu bapa berkata 'Buatlah seperti anak sendiri asal jangan cedera atau cacat cela'.Tetapi kini, ' Cikgu sentuh anak saya, ke mahkamahlah jawabnya!'

   Esok, masih lagi belum pasti.Yang pasti adalah hari ini maka perlu bagiku bersiap siaga mental dan fizikal agar tugasku tiada siapa yang ragu.Datanglah nazir atau siapa pun,lihatlah kami pndidik di sini.Andai ada kekurangan bimbinglah kami seikhlas hati agar dapat ditingkatkan yang dinamakan kualiti.Namun hati masih juga berdebar.Harap-harap tiada apa yang sukar.Ayuhai hati!Janganlah kau risau lagi!

Kami follow!!!!!

    SY,KR dan KE.Tentu ramai yang kenal singkatan yang diberi.Bukan jenama atau plat kereta tetapi merekalah penghibur hati yang lara.Dengan adanya mereka, duniaku makin meriah dan hatiku tambah gembira.Hilang segala duka dan lara.

  Lagu merapu ramai peminatnya.Ah!Malu nak mengaku kerana dulu akulah pengkritik paling utama.Yalah, cakap omputih tu merepek merapu.Tetapi lama kelamaan, terpikat pula.Namapun merapu maka tentulah bunyi nya tak tentu.Nak kata cakap omputih, bunyi langsung tak macam mat saleh.Nak kata cakap melayu, aiii.... mana ada melayu cakap macam tu.Tak kisah kerana yang penting terhibur hati yang lara.Tu tak termasuk cerita tentang Mak Ning.Hilang semua yang pening.

  KE pula pembela wanita.Pantang ada kes lelaki mendera mental atau fizikal, cepat saja dia membela.Tu yang aku suka.Lagu-lagu pilihannya pula.....wahhhh....Hebat-hebat belaka.Maklumlah selera orang lama.Kawan seorang lagi tentulah si Abby.Bila gelak, hai....semua masalah pergi.Kelakar tetapi penuh ilmu.Seorang lagi si Najman.Asyik pon!pon! Tapi happy je  kerja semua orang suka.

 Bagi anda yang kurang mengerti, janganlah bersusah hati.Singgahlah ke Sinar (87.8 Eh tapi itu kat JB) Klik je internet, kerana semuanya di hujung jari.Ada masa, dengarlah sendiri. Radio SINAR (Kami follow!)Muzik Retro Terbaik.

  Terima Kasih Salih Yaakob aka Mak Ning aka Mat Saleh, Khairul Rashid, Kak Engku Raja Azura, Abby Fanaskoba (apa ntah ), Najman suami Cik Hawa dan lain-lain.

Monolog

   Sehari lagi masa berlari namun aku masih di hujung jalan mati, berfikir untuk teruskan perjalanan atau berhenti.Di kiri penuh onak, di kanan penuh duri.Ke manakah arah harus ku tuju?Aku berhenti seketika dan ku pejamkan mata.Hidup perlu diteruskan biar onak penuh di kaki, biar duri penuh di hati.

  Andai masa boleh ku undur, tidakku keliru menjadi kelu.Ahhh.....Mengeluh boleh tetapi kaki mesti terus melangkah.Persetan dengan ujian.Persetan dengan onak atau ombak.Gunung tinggi mesti ku daki, lembah lurah harus ku redahi agar dapat ku capai bintang menghias hidup yang kian malap.

  Ku toleh ke kanan, aku keseorangan.Ku toleh ke kiri, aku sendiri.Aku takut dalam berani.Berlari, berlari dan terus berlari.Di hujung jalan ku lihat cahaya nan indah.Bagai melambai ahhh .....Nampaknya mudah.Tetapi makin pantas aku bergegas, makin jauh cahaya tersuluh.Ahhhh.....Janganlah kau tinggalkan daku kerana aku lemas berlari cuba mendekati.Ku lambai, ku gapai, kau hanya tertawa makin menjauh berlari pergi..

  Aku sendirian dalam keramaian.Gejolak hati pada siapa harus ku kongsi?Sabar...hanya indah pada khabar kerana rupa aku pun tak pasti bagaimana.Bercakap memang mudah tetapi hakikatnya aku yang merana.Bintang ku cuba gapai, makin tinggi tak mungkin ku dekati.Cahaya ku cuba miliki, semakin hari semakin jauh ia pergi.dan aku, sendirian tergapai kelemasan.

 

Bahasa menunjukkan bangsa :P.Ramlee ( Seniman Bujang Lapok )

Bahasa menunjukkan bangsa.

   Selamat pagi semua.Hari ini pagi-pagi lagi aku rasa nak menulis.Masa masih lagi menjadi sahabat yang juga musuh.(Sahabat kerana  aku mesti segera menyiapkan semua tugasan.Musuh kerana masa tak pernah cukup buatku bagi menyelesaikan semua kerja).

   Hari ini juga aku ingin menulis lebih banyak menggunakan bahasa ibundaku.Terima kasih pada sahabat dan juga bakal sahabat serta anak-anak muridku yang mengingatkan bahawa aku ini Melayu maka menulislah dalam bahasa Melayu.Kalian 100% benar.Tetapi menulis dalam bahasa penjajah tidak akan mengurangkan seinci pun hakikat bahawa aku seorang Melayu dan sentiasa Melayu.Lagu-lagu?Ya, memang 100% di blog ini lagu penjajah tetapi status penjajah apa salahnya aku ubah sebagai guru (dalam konteks memberi lebih ilmu kerana ruang lingkup penuturnya lebih luas).Tetapi kalian jangan gundah kerana aku juga peminat fanatik lagu-lagu Melayu yang bagiku sangat indah.(Tunggu ye.Benarkan aku membereskan semua kerja sebelum aku menambah koleksi lagu Melayu ku)Sebelum ini pun aku telah membenarkan lagu Melayu berkumandang di blogku.Lagu Jamal Abdillah, lagu P.Ramlee..ahhhh indahnya membuai rasa.(Lagu-lagu baru?Maaf ye.Benarkan aku memilih dahulu kerana jarang yang membuatku selera)

   Maafkan aku andai bahasa penjajah yang banyak ku guna tak dapat kalian fahami dengan mudah.Aku masih belajar merangkak dan berdiri maka benarkanlah aku berekspresi dengan bahasa yang indah.Aku menulis, kalian membaca,proses terjadi hampir sama kerana kita sama-sama mengasah minda.Tetapi usahlah kalian resah.Ku cuba gunakan bahasa yang lebih indah.Ahhh...apa yang ku repekkan?

  Janganlah  kalian menuduhku lupa diri kerana bahasa ibunda tetap aku sanjungi.Aku tetap Melayu jasad dan minda.Jangan risau sambal belacan pun aku masih suka.Terkadang lucu ku rasa kerana ironinya aku kalian kata tak cukup Melayu sedangkan kalian yang lebih kerap mecampur adukkan kedua-dua bahasa.Tetapi tak mengapa kerana kita perlu saling mengingati kerana aku juga mudah lupa diri.Bagaimanapun izinkan aku berekspresi dengan bahasa ibundaku dan juga bahasa yang kononnya kalian benci kerana tetamuku tidak semuanya Melayu.Jangan jemu membaca catatanku kerana di sinilah aku mampu berkongsi rasa.Sama-samalah kita menjadi Melayu baru yang tetap sentisa Melayu tetapi bahasa ilmu jangan kita lupa.Semoga Melayu takkan pernah layu.Akhirnya ingin ku ulang kata-kata P.Ramlee seniman kita ; Bahasa menunjukkan bangsa.(Filem Seniman Bujang Lapuk)

p.s: Pakaian juga menunjukkan bangsa.

I'll never wear my mask again

   I don't know why I am feeling so lonely.I forced my eyelids to hug each other but I failed. It is already 12.53 a.m.So I got no choice but to have my Lenovo to be my company.

   When I was 13, I kept a diary.I wrote every single thing that happened to me.I was able to keep more than 10 diaries.Lots of memories still linger on.Then suddenly a name said hi in my mind. He was not my boyfriend but he was indeed a friend.I have never met him since he was my pen pal.I still kept his letters until 2000.Once, he came to my place but I was not around so we did not meet.I heard that he is now a teacher in Gelang Patah.I can still remember his address;No.11, Kg Tg Adang,Gelang Patah.And I really hope that we can be friends again.Really looking forwards to know his family; wife and children.

   Another name pops in my mind.He was my classmates in Form 2,SMM.He was a very nice guy.One day,our Geography teacher scolded him for not having an exercise book.I did not take him as my bosom but I really pitied him.So after umpteen times scolded by the teacher,I bought him one.I knew that his father burnt the candle at both hands to raise the family;his children,my classmate and his younger sister,Kartini Daud.Really looking forward to get news about them.

  Puan Azizah ( so sorry for fogetting your full name)my form 2 class teacher was also in the list.This chinese-look lady is always in my mind.I don't know whether she still remember me or not but she is always in my mind.She was a very nice teacher.She helped me a lot in building my self-confidence.How wonderful if I could shake her hand again!

  Sometimes I feel that life is so weird.It offers something that could only be understood when it had passed by.I realised how I wasted my youth for being someone so terribly introvert.Now with my career, surrounded by my beloved students and colleagues, I see light along the path to happiness even though half of me is still me years ago.[camouflage goes on and on]  and i hope one day, I will never wear my mask again.

Stop grinning, will you?

   Time : a word understood by billions of people but not me.I don't understand why time flies so fast.I did manage it wisely but still it does not want to wait for me.I have piles of works in my both hands but time does not want to slow down.I am tired of running, chasing this what people called 'time'.Umpteen times I stumbled and fell. It hurt my feelings and made me feel like crying.

   I ran faster as if I am a roller coaster.Trying to beat the time but I am a loser.From far I saw that naughty time laughing and it was so annoying!I have to catch you by hook or by crook and I hope I will be able to perform better since I am indeed a winner!Time; You just wait and see. ( Stop grinning, will you?) 

If only...

If only

I could break the ice

that cages me for ages

without mercy but full of emptiness

If only

I could fly very very high

so that I could be together with the sky

soaring my thoughts, my feelings, my sighs

If only

I had a knife that could kill every single thing

that I hate, I feel like strangling

not a foe but a silhouette that I supposed to be depending

If only

I had a magic wand

that could break the ice cage

I would happily put on my free badge.

...going to be topsy-turvy

Sometimes I wonder if I'm gonna to make it home again...It's so far and out of side.I really need someone to talk to and nobody else...Knows how to comfort me tonight...

     Suddenly, I feel terribly lonely. I got lots to tell to but there's no one I could share with.Life is so weird.I have someone with me but he's not my soul mate for me to share my feelings and my worries.If only I could pour everything in me to someone, the shoulder to cry on, perhaps the burden will be gone.Life is also weird when you are a shoulder to cry on to someone, but there's no 'someone'to be your shoulder to cry on.You feel happy but at the same time you feel sad.You are happy since you can give your hand to someone, but you are sad because there is no 'someone' to offer you his hand.

    You give advice to others but no one to offer you advice.You always smile and look happy but in fact you are wounded deep inside.People see you as a strong person but actually you are as soft as jelly.You look enjoy of your life but inside you feel like committing suicide.People see you as a very confident person but in fact you keep your fear deep inside.Others see A,you see B.Others say you are ok you think you are going to be topsy-turvy.(Sigh....)

  

'Kami yang menurut perintah'

   ' Perbincangan meja bulat pemansuhan UPSR dan PMR ' Begitulah lebih kurang tajuk berita yang ku dengar hari ini.Pro dan kontra berperang dalam diri.Walau bagaimana pun, aku tersenyum sendiri mendengar cakap-cakap 'wakaf' (sekadar meminjam slanga pantai timur) tentang betapa baiknya kedua-dua peperiksaan penting itu dimansuhkan.(Dengan kata lebih kejam;dihapuskan) Maaf, terasa ingin ku gelak kuat-kuat atau tergolek-golek lucu kerana 'ramainya cikgu' atau 'ramainya pegawai pelajaran' yang bercakap.

   Otak sinisku tiba-tiba berfikir , terbayang; "Shahir! ( sempena nama yang sedang popular)Kenapa tak belajar malam ni?" "Malaslah ayah!Bukan ada periksa pun.Shahir periksa lambat lagi!Shahir baru 12 tahun.SPM Shahir 17 tahun!"(Gelak!Gelak!Gelak!)Begitulah mungkin senario jika benar UPSR dan PMR dihapuskan.Maka dengan itu, banyaklah pusat-pusat tusyen yang akan gulung tikar kerana takkan sudi ibu bapa membazir berbelanja andai SPM sahaja pepriksaan yang tinggal cuma.

   Di sekolah pula, tak perlulah guru-guru bersengkang mata membuat headcount, membuat TOV.Audit akademik pun mungkin tak perlu lagi.Iyalah, SPM lambat lagi...Andai benar UPSR dan PMR dihapuskan, mekanisme lain diperkenalkan.Maka berbelitlah otak ( opps!pinjam kata kerja untuk lidah) guru untuk membiasakan diri dengan tugas baru.Apa ye?Ahh!Mungkin pentaksiran sepanjang tahun atau lain-lain mekanisme ciptaan si bijak pandai atas kertas yang tak pernah alami sendiri situasi dihadapi.Mudah-mudahan guru terus tabah dan takkan mudah menyerah dan ke psikiatris ( lupa pulak ejaan dek terlalu banyak fikirkan hal sekolah)menyelesaikan masalah.

    

   Ku tanya pendapat anak-anak ( murid maksudku )apa reaksi boleh dikongsi?Anak-anak senyap tetapi tiba-tiba gelak galak,"Yeah!Tak payah belajar perah otak!"Ku tanya pula anak-anak yang bijak.Semua senyap bermuka kelat."Tak de periksa, samalah macam takde hari raya.Tup!Tup!Habis sekolah.Macam mana kami nak berjuang menang atau kalah?"(Gelak!Gelak!Gelak!)Walau bagai manapun aku percaya, kerajaan tahu yang terbaik untuk negara.Maka walau apa pun yang diubah, kami guru, akan terima dengan rendah hati kerana telah termaktub ' Kami yang menurut perintah'perlu dipatuhi.

Ayuhai!Kasihan anak-anakku!

     Mendidik dengan kasih sayang. Biar sakit di hati asal ilmu dapat dikongsi.Anak-anak bagaimana pun tetap anak-anak biar mengaku lebih bijak dari yang layak.Guru sebagai pendidik, sebagai bapa, sebagi ibu.lapangkan dada ikhlaskan semua agar ilmu dikongsi sentiasa diberkati.Andai dulu, memukul, mendenda sangatlah perlu.Tetapi kini zaman telah jauh berubah. Menghukum, memukul bukan penyelesai masalah.

    Kata orang guru umpama lilin membakar diri.Biar diri musnah, asal dapat memberi cahaya yang indah.Tetapi kini ramai guru mengajar bukan untuk berkongsi ilmu tetapi sekadar menunggu hari menerima gaji.Maka wujudlah insan bertopeng guru yang sebenarnya sangat berbahaya kerana anak-anak murid mungkin takkan berjaya.Lalu wujudlah kes-kes terpencil yang membuat guru sebenar menggigil kesal dan marah kerana nila setitik rosak susu sebelanga.Guru jika benar guru takkan mudah menghukum tanpa usul periksa hingga naik kasut ke kepala.Ayuhai!Sedih, malu dan kesal bersatu menjadi rasa malu di hati guru yang benar-benar guru kerana tindakan guru yang sepatutnya tak patut menjadi guru mengetuk kepala murid dengan sepatu atau menyebat tanpa langsung fikirkan akibat. Menghukum boleh, tetapi biarlah dengan akal yang waras bukan dengan hati yang panas.

   Anak-anak tetap anak-anak yang perlu dibentuk, dicanai dengan sabar dibelai dengan kasih sayang.Andai segala usaha telah dicuba, masih juga tidak berjaya, rujuklah si pakar agar dapat nasihat berguna.Takkan selesai masalah dengan menghukum, dengan mengugut kerana anak-anak takkan dewasa pemikirannya jika guru yang mendidik hanya suka mengherdik.Anak-anak tak mugkin sama kerana mereka hanyalah insan biasa. Ada yang bijak, ada yang sederhana maka fahamilah mereka kerana guru juga pernah menjadi anak-anak.Benar, bercakap lebih mudah dari bertindak tetapi kata orang hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih maka bukankah guru juga boleh memilih?

   Tak tahu kenapa, hati rasa sedih rasa kecewa mendengar kisah guru suka menghukum tanpa usul periksa.Mendenda sedikit apa salahnya bukan dengan mengetuk kepala.Ayuhai guru!Terasa mengalir airmata kerana anak-anak murid anak-anakku juga.Berilah kasih sayang, perhatian dan kesabaran insyaAllah anak-anak akan jadi umpama permata.Meski apa pun,saat ini di hati terngiang lagu "Ayuhai!Kasihan anak-anakku!"

BioDisc

BioDisc

BioDisc

BioDisc

Time is the best medicine

   Time is the best medicine.I am pretty sure that many people know about it.As for me, it is undoubtedly true.I used to write a lot since 1982.But due to the obstacles that I faced, I stopped my passion in writing.Because of the obstacles too, I lost my golden touch in writing.

   Years ago, I liked to write in B.Melayu.For me the language is so beautiful and I could express my feelings and convey my messages easily.Syair, pantun, sajak were my cup of tea.Thus, I really wanted to be a novelist or a poet.When I won many writing competitions in the 1980s, I thought that I could achieve my ambition.Unfortunately, my life was not as beautiful as my writings. I had to face lots of problems that I could not understand myself.So, my passion in writing faded with the time that flew.Those obstacles made me afraid of writing.I felt like there was a deep wound in my heart that could not be healed.

   2010; after so many years I don't know why suddenly, I felt like writing.I know that I don't have the golden touch anymore but I could not wait any longer since the time is chasing me. I need to pour what in my heart so that when I go, there is something about me that I could share.However, I still have no guts to write in B.Melayu.I do hope one day, I could write in B.Melayu as beautiful as before.

Haunted by 'something I did not know what' 2

      1982, June : I enrolled at SMM.I really hoped that everything would be better.I did not know whether it was my low self-esteem or I was still haunted by something that I did not know.I still could not mingle with the other students.I always kept to myself.I was afraid of something I did not know. To tell the truth, many students wanted to be my friends but I still could not build my self-confidence.However, I was always the best students in my batch.Once,I scored 100% for my Geography test but the teacher did not believe me so I had to re-sit the test.I also scored 100% in Pendidikan Islam but my ustaz said that he could only give me 99% since it was a subjective paper.I was whole-heartedly sad.Besides, once I used the word 'sasa' in my BM essay.I was really mad when my BM teacher said that word did not exist.It does exist so again I became more inconfident of myself.( Now, I always remind myself not to repeat the same mistake with my students.I felt my intelligence was insulted )

   However, I liked my English teacher so much for giving me the opportunity to develop my talent in writing.I won the writing competition when I was 15.I also won another writing competitions when I was 17.I could see my better future with my English teacher (Mr Michael Williamson ) guidance.During the assembly, I was always chosen to deliver a speech.This really helped me to be a good speaker on stage.However, 'something that I did not know what' still haunted me since I still did not have many friends.I scared of 'something that I could not see'.I felt like I was a laughing stock every time I tried to mingle with any friends.I was really sad and scared.Who could I talk to?Who could share my fear of being haunted by 'something I did not know what'

< To be continued >  

My happy moments of life

Got lots to share with but time is really a foe so today I post these photos..My happy moments in life.Hope you like them.

(  SCARLETT O'HARA  )

Haunted by ' something I don't know what '

   1982 : I started my studies in the secondary school.It was one of the popular boarding schools in Johor.I was offered to study there after getting 5As in my primary school.I knew that deep in my heart ,I was not ready to leave my hometown.However, I told myself that I had to go to achieve my ambition.I knew I could do it.

   Unfortunately everything went wrong.I don't know how to explain.I loved to be there but at the same time I really did not know how to mingle around.I felt that everyone was laughing at me. No one laughed but I felt that I was a laughing stock.I was alone.I wanted a friend to be my shoulder to cry on but I found none.I did not know what was wrong with me.I had a very low self-esteem.I had no confidence at all.My IQ was ok but I got very low EQ.

   Then, everything went topsy-turvy.One day I tried to go to my dorm but I could not find the stairs. I walked to and fro but I saw none until my warden helped me to the dorm.The 'something that I could not explain'haunted me day and night.I felt like killing myself since I hated myself so much.I did not know why.I just hated myself so much.It was illogical but I  experienced it.Every time I stepped my feet in my class, I saw a gigantic fierce-looking creature blocking my way.

   After 6 months, I could not take it anymore so I continued my studies in my hometown.I  was sad because people blamed me for being a spoilt brat who could not live independently.I knew that my parents did their best to make sure I could study in the boarding school.But I left with no choice since I knew that If I stayed there longer the possibilities for me to commit suicide was very high even though I did not know why I hated myself so much.

    My new school gave me a light.I could study better without been haunted by 'something that I could not explain what'.However,I still could not get rid of my very low self-esteem.I got no confidence at all. I was totally a loser.What I could not understand was, each time I sat for any exams, I had a fever.I could not think without having a terrible headache.It was so painful.It was like a needle was pierced onto my head.

< To be continued >

It's like going to heaven

   Reading.... a word that understood by everyone.People say that Malaysians do not like to read.I strongly agree but I am not one of them.For me reading is a must.I can read a thick motivation book and also a very simple children book.When I read,it is like going to somewhere.Reading can make me smile and also make me cry.Reading can be my very best friend and also a very bad foe(since I cannot finish other work because of reading)

   When I was ten, my mother asked me to help her in the kitchen.I was reading 'Si Tanggang' at that moment.Then I took the onion and garlic and started peeling them.Simultaneously,my eyes were still glued to the book.Suddenly,without any warning, my mother came towards me and pulled my ears.Not to mention the bullets that coming out of her mouth!So, I put the book down and concentrating on the peeling.Then, that nght, I burnt the midnight oil reading again.'Si Tanggang" is very popular folktale so I liked the story so much.

    The next morning, due to the burning of the midnight oil, I felt so sleepy.I did not feel like going to school.Then I got an idea and told my mom that I was having a fever.My mom believed me since I never told a lie before.So the whole day, I spent my time reading 'Si Tanggang' on my bed.

    Reading also kept me in the library while the other students were in the canteen for recess.I like Disney's stories so much so every day once the bell rang, I rushed to the library and started reading.It happened until 1986.Some stories remained in my heart until today.Gone with the wind, Ranjau sepanjang jalan, Jalan ke kubur,Enid Blyton' series,Konserto terakhir,Seorang tua di kaki gunung etc.To tell the truth, I cannot sleep without reading first.Reading is so magic.It can bring me anywhere, anytime.It's like going to heaven.So I wonder why malaysians do not like reading.

I don't know who my guest was.

   1986 - I was alone in my room revising for SPM.It was almost midnight and all family members were sleeping soundly. Suddenly, I heard, ' Tik! Tik! Tik!'.At first I just ignored the ticking sound since I got lots of chapters to be revised. Then I heard the same sound ticking again.

   I put my book and went out to the living room. I saw no one then I entered my room again.I thought perhaps I heard the cricket ticking.10 minutes later the ticking sound started again and it was even louder!I went out of my room again.There was a typewriter on the table in the staffroom.The sound was still ticking so I looked closer.

   Oh my God!The sound came from the typewriter as if someone was using it!I could see clearly that jumbled letters printed on the paper!I could not believe my eyes!There was something wrong somewhere!So without delaying a second, I rushed to my parents' room and knocked the door.While I was rushing there, I saw light on the ceiling as if someone was using a torchlight.Then I heard a really scary laughter outside my house. I told my dad and he said that nothing to be worried so until today I do not know who my guest was.

A tribute to Justin Aizad bin Mansor

May success be yours, J.A.M  (let me ask him first to reveal his name) my dear student.


< He let me publish his name>


May success be yours, Justin Aizad bin Mansor, my dear student.

A tribute to J.A.M

   Those who know the boy in the picture perhaps wondering why I attached his photo with my post today.

Well.... it is because I salute this young boy so much.He is a multi-talented student with a very positive attitude.He is so polite not only with the teachers but with the students even younger than him . He likes to help others regardless of race and beliefs even though he is a religious-stream student.He is also a very talented young writer with beautiful thoughts.

   He is only fourteen but he is more mature than those my age.He is also a very confident and sensible young man.He is very excellent student with straight As ( 13 As ):B.M,English,Science,Maths,History,Geography,Kemahiran Hidup, Sejarah, Pendidikan Seni Visual, Pendidikan Sivik & Kewarganegaraan, Pendidikan Jasmani,Bahasa Arab,Pendidikan Islam ).I know that many students envy him but no one ask him his secret.As a very intelligent student, I strongly believe that he is also a punctual and well-discipline person.He knows how to plan for the future.He is not easily influenced by any bad influences.

    Today, when I looked at him, I saw myself when I was his age.I was not that lucky even though 5As, 7As, and First Grade SPM are mine.My life is not that simple as I have to overcome so many obstacles.I really hope and pray that this young man that I know, who is adored by hundreds of students and even teachers, could be the next me that I wished for more than twenty years ago.I do not know his ambitions, but I pray to God that he could achieve what he targets for since I do not want him to feel as I feel, deeply wounded because of something that I could not achieve.May success be yours, J.A.M (let me ask him first to reveal his name) my dear student.

The last story of Pak Pandir

Another Pak Pandir story to be shared with ..

      Pak Pandir liked to eat bananas so much. He always ate the ripe bananas.One day, Mak Andih grilled some unripe bananas.Pak Pandir liked the grill bananas so much.Every single day, he asked his devoted wife to grill some bananas for him.Since he liked them so much, Pak Pandir hid them at the house attic.

   One day, while Mak Andih was away, Pak Pandir took some unripe bananas from the attic. He was starving.He craved for the grill bananas so much.So Pak Pandir went to the kitchen planning to grill the unripe bananas himself.Unfortunately,he did not even know how to start a fire and he did not know that a fire or a burning charcoal is needed to grill them.Pak Pandir looked around and saw the black ash in the stove."Aaa! This is what Andih used to grill the delicious bananas.Then Pak Pandir put the unripe bananas in the ash.Once they were black, Pak Pandir thought that it was done so Pak Pandir took one and ate it.It tasted different but since Pak Pandir was a lame dog he ate it greedily.Finally he gobbled up the whole bunch!

   Soon after, Pak Pandir was really full.He could neither walked nor got up.Suddenly, he got a terrible stomach ache.He could not bear with it and ran out of his house to do his business.While he was running, he stumbled over a rock and fell onto a jar of sticky fluid.He tried to get up but he could not make it since it was the sap from a tree that Mak Andih used to trap the birds which ate their crops.Hours later Pak Pandih was covered with hundreds of birds.As he was indeed an unlucky man, the birds flew away bringing Pak Pandir with them.Until today, there was no news about Pak Pandir.

< The End>

p.s.Share with me if you know other stories of Pak Pandir.

Pak Pandir and the guests.

    When Mak Andih found out that the baby was dead she was so angry.However, nothing could be done.Since she had already bought the things, she decided to continue with her plan, having the feast as to pray for her late child.

  Then Mak Andih asked Pak Pandir to bury their child in the jungle. Pak Pandir put the dead body in a mengkuang mat and put it on his shoulder. Since he did not wrap the body neatly, while he was walking to the jungle, he dropped his child dead body.After arriving at a suitable place, Pak Pandir dug a hole and buried the empty mat.On his way back home, he found his dead child and took it home because he thought that it was a doll and he wanted to give it to his wife.Mak Andih did not say anything when she saw the dead body since she knew who Pak Pandir was.However she realised that Pak Pandir loved her so much and always wanted to make her happy.Then Mak Andih buried her dead child herself.

   As for the feast, Mak Andih had to ask Pak Pandir to invite the guests because she had to cook the food.Since it was a feast for their child death, Mak Andih wanted Pak Imam and Pak Lebai to recite the prayer.Pak Pandir asked Mak Andih how they looked like.Mak Andih said Pak Lebai had a beard and he always chewed on something as for Pak Imam, he was a very big man with a loud voice.Pak Pandir nodded his head without saying anything.

    Soon after, Pak Pandir saw 'Pak Lebai'chewing on grass in the field.He was pretty sure that was Pak Lebai because of the beard.Then Pak Pandir came towards 'Pak lebai' and invited him to recite the prayer.'Pak Lebai' said nothing just 'bekkkkkkkk!  bekkkkkkk!' Pak Pandir was so happy because he thought that 'Pak Lebai' wanted 'nasi lembek ( soft rice) for the feast."Mak Andih is a good cook.I will ask her to cook nasi lembek for you.Thank you,Pak Lebai," said Pak Pandir politely.Then he continued his journey to invite Pak Imam.

   It was almost dark so Pak Pandir walked faster.Not long after that Pak Pandir saw a very big house.He was already in the jungle. He knocked on the door then a very big 'Pak Imam' opened the door.He was so big with fierce-looking eyes.His voice was deafening!"This must be Pak Imam"Pak Pandir talked to himself.Humbly he invited 'Pak Imam' to recite the prayer." Ha ha ha.....but I want lots of food or else I eat you!" said 'Pak Imam'.Thinking that 'Pak Imam' was starving, Pak Pandir agreed to it. Then Pak Pandir went home.

   Happily, Pak Pandir told Mak Andih that both important guests would come.Mak Andih was happy since she thought that Pak Pandir had invited other villagers as well.Then, when night came, while Mak Andih was wondering why no one came for the feast, she heard a boisterous laugh.Hearing that laugh, Pak Pandir was so happy.Without hesitation, he opened the door and welcomed the guest, 'Pak Imam'.Mak Andih was as frightened as Macbeth before the ghost of Banquo because she knew that, that 'Pak Imam' could gobble her up!She was so sad for having a husband as brainless as a chimpanzee.The 'Pak Imam'was actually a fierce giant!

   Mak Andih told Pak Pandir that they were in a big trouble but nothing could be done except for being good hosts for the guests.The giant brought the whole family, his wife and his son.He asked pak Pandir to feed his son.Pak Pandir stuffed lots of food into the baby giant's mouth.Unfortunately, the baby could not breathe and died.Mak Andih knew that they had to flee so she took a big jar and ran with Pak Pandir to the river bank.They jumped into the jar and waded to cross. Luckily both were safe.Knowing that their baby was dead, the giant and his wife were so angry.They took another big jar and tried to cross the river.Unfortunately, they were too heavy so the jar was broken.The giants could not swim so both drown.Mak Andih was so relieved and Pak Pandir as stupid as a donkey laughed at wet Mak Andih.

< To be continued >

 

Pak Pandir and the hot water

     Teacher! I want more folk tales!!!! Okay, now I tell you another folk tale.This is a Malay folk tale.I hope you like it.

    Once upon a time there was a man named Pak Pandir.Pak Pandir was a dumb.However Pak Pandir had a clever wife called Mak Andih.One day, Mak Andih decided to have a feast like thanksgiving since they were blessed with a child.So Mak Andih had to buy things from the nearby village.Then Mak Andih asked Pak Pandir to look after their child.She asked Pak Pandir to bathe him.She told him that he had to boil some water then mix the hot water with the cold to bathe the baby.Pak Pandir just nodded his head.

    While Mak Andih was away, Pak Pandir remembered that he had to bathe his child.Then Pak Pandir boiled some water.After it was boiled, Pak Pandir poured the water into a big basin. He forgot that he had to mix the hot boiling water with the cold one.Happily, he put his baby into the hot water!The baby cried in pain but Pak Pandir thought that the baby liked the bathing so much so without hesitation, he poured more hot water onto the baby.Now, can you guess what happened?

< To be continued ! >

  

Wearing helmet for prayer

    Law + rule = must be followed. I am one of those who always think that we must always obey the rules.Whereas my husband always thinks the opposite.So we always argue about it.

   One day, in 1994,while I was studying in KL, my husband asked me to get ready to go to the night market.The night market was just a walking distance but we seldom walk there.It was 6.50 p.m. so I told my husband that I wanted to pray first.I took my ablution then I took the prayer mat.Then I saw a helmet on the table.I said to my husband that I wanted to wear the helmet to the night market even though it was only a walking distance.My husband scolded me and said he did not want to wear any.It was so near so he was sure that no policeman on duty.I insisted on wearing the helmet.I stood on the praying mat to start the pray.I could hear my husband babbling.

   Suddenly, I heard a loud laughter.My husband laughed and laughed.I thought he saw something funny.I tried to focus on my maghrib prayer.Then my husband shouted my name and pointed to my head.My goodness!I was wearing a helmet instead of the telekung ( the praying outfit)!It was so funny and I could not stop myself laughing.This memory still tickle me until today.However I still stick to my principle that law + rule must be obeyed.