Haunted by 'something I did not know what' 2

      1982, June : I enrolled at SMM.I really hoped that everything would be better.I did not know whether it was my low self-esteem or I was still haunted by something that I did not know.I still could not mingle with the other students.I always kept to myself.I was afraid of something I did not know. To tell the truth, many students wanted to be my friends but I still could not build my self-confidence.However, I was always the best students in my batch.Once,I scored 100% for my Geography test but the teacher did not believe me so I had to re-sit the test.I also scored 100% in Pendidikan Islam but my ustaz said that he could only give me 99% since it was a subjective paper.I was whole-heartedly sad.Besides, once I used the word 'sasa' in my BM essay.I was really mad when my BM teacher said that word did not exist.It does exist so again I became more inconfident of myself.( Now, I always remind myself not to repeat the same mistake with my students.I felt my intelligence was insulted )

   However, I liked my English teacher so much for giving me the opportunity to develop my talent in writing.I won the writing competition when I was 15.I also won another writing competitions when I was 17.I could see my better future with my English teacher (Mr Michael Williamson ) guidance.During the assembly, I was always chosen to deliver a speech.This really helped me to be a good speaker on stage.However, 'something that I did not know what' still haunted me since I still did not have many friends.I scared of 'something that I could not see'.I felt like I was a laughing stock every time I tried to mingle with any friends.I was really sad and scared.Who could I talk to?Who could share my fear of being haunted by 'something I did not know what'

< To be continued >